Author: Lauren Olerenshaw

Your eyes can reveal almost anything about you.

During our experiences in experimenting, we found the eyes played a very important part, some audiences thought that by having our eyes closed, we looked more vulnerable, for us it was a way to keep safe, I felt as though if I couldn’t see them then they couldn’t see me either. It was during our performance we decided to keep our eyes open, closing them only at times we couldn’t bare to see the audiences reactions. I no for me I felt embarrassed, looking at myself on screen bring completely honest and truthful, hearing darker parts of my life, knowingly revealing them to the audience sometimes became to much at other times I would keep my eyes open and look directly at audience members, this was to gauge their reaction. At the end of the performance my eye contact became an act of defiance, throughout the experiments, the filming and the performance my vulnerability increased. As progressively I would reveal more of myself physically and mentally. Within the last few minutes I gained a bout of confidence and this is where I had the confidence to look people in the eye to defy and challenge.

marina Fig 1. Marina Abramović ‘ The Artist is Present’

 

Marina Abramović  at the Museum of Modern Art performed ‘The Artist is Present’, a silent performance, where she invited audience members to sit opposite her and look into each others eyes and remain silent. This was something that inspired our experiments of having our eyes open or not, we decided it should be natural, not something that we made a group decision on so it became ‘part of the performance’, we decided that if we did what we felt was right then it was part of us showing our vulnerability.

Fig 1. Available from: http://www.theartfuldesperado.com/a-life-lesson-by-marina-abramovic-and-ulay/

Its all in your mind

We enter this world vulnerable, clothe less and unknowing. Later in life it is wrong to be in this state. But why? There are places its okay to be naked: In the comfort of your bedroom, behind closed doors, on a nudist beach and in a tanning shop for example. Most of us have seen both a naked male and female. But to see a naked being in the supermarket, on the train, walking to the corner shop, it is wrong. What happens when you defy the laws of societies views on what is right and wrong. You take the normality of being naked to a unnatural setting, and what is the result? That is what we will find out.

It is all in our mind, the act of being naked is not actually a wrong one but we see it as wrong because someone once said it is.

What makes us feel vulnerable? Is it showing all our flaws? What makes us feel physically vulnerable and mentally vulnerable? is their a difference? Everything that we try to hide, that we usually  mask is there for the everyone to see, to remove these layers of masks, how does it make us feel? We wanted to no what makes us feel most vulnerable, it took a while for us to conclude what it was that made us feel most vulnerable. It’s the truth, the truth makes us feel at our most vulnerable. Whether it is the truth of how we look, the truth of what we’ve done wrong, the truth about our lives etc.

The day had arrived

Performance day had arrived, and to set our space we put up black dividers too make the space much smaller we had a red sofa that we placed the opposite side to the door, this was so, to get to a comfortable setting you had to cross an uncomfortable space. Against a black wall we had a countdown timer and our video projected, the video consisted of us answering questions as truthful as possible, we were given by various members of the public majority student’s however  there was also questions written by those 21 +, there was also an even divide in gender. We did our hair, make up and dressed in a black dress, black tights and heels, our aim was to make ourselves feel as confident as possible, so we felt we looked our best. We started by being positioned in the room in whichever way we felt most comfortable. The performance itself was to a degree improvised, we knew our goal was to by the end be in our own individual most vulnerable state, however how we came to this and what we did within the time, was not rehearsed as it all depended on how we felt. I personally throughout moved across the room, stood by myself close to the curtain when I felt nervous, sat on the floor and stood by an audience member. My own personal physical vulnerability took the following journey:

  • Hair scraped back in a pony tail
  • lipstick removed
  • eyeliner removed
  • eyebrows removed
  • the rest of my makeup including foundation blusher and mascara
  • my tights off
  • tights back on
  • jewellery off including Pandora and rings
  • dress off to reveal plain black baby doll
  • breast enhancers removed
  • bra removed
  • straps of baby doll removed
  • baby doll removed to reveal breasts however sill covering stomach
  • tights removed
  • baby doll removed material laid in front to cover myself
  • ended with material dropping to the floor

I am very self conscious of my body and also my skin, therefore for me it was something I never thought I would do, although throughout the time I gained confidence, at the end of the performance I still did not feel fully confident within my skin. This shows my own personal insecurities our not solved however I feel I have taken many steps in the right direction.

Our mental vulnerability was being projected, for us to see and our audience, it is one thing to tell somebody a truthful experience we would not usually share in private, it is another to have no control over who sees it. I took influence from Marina Abramović  and as Jan Avhikos stated in he book Artist Body, ‘Sitting motionless as though lost in a trance, she confides to the camera relieving a moment of epiphany in the tragic story of her happiness’ (Avgikos, 1998, 341). During the video being played I felt judged and exposed, at tiomes I sat still simply listening and reflecting what I was hearing, it was very overwhelming at times with the mental and physical exposure combined. I felt bare in every sense. Our intention was to desexualise the body and to show people it is okay to be who you are. Each member within my group has different shapes, features and flaws. We all have things to hide, that we are ashamed of and that haunt us. The audience may or may not relate to what we have to show, whether it be a relatable story/secret, or a relatable insecurity. None the less everybody will have something as nobody is perfect and this is what we were saying is okay and in fact not something to be ashamed off.

The performance taught me many things, to be more comfortable with who I am, that to be truthful is the best and that the things of my past do not have to define who I am today or who I will be in the future. I learnt I can create my own path, and many of my fears and insecurity’s are not necessary.

Avgikos,J. (1998) 1989-1998 Solo performances. In: Elena Carotti,Felivity Barbera Lutz(eds.)Marina Abramović Artist Body. Edition. Milan: Charta, 341.

The human plate

Setting up this experiment, we used a large space and normal lighting. Three of our group members laid on the floor in various states of dress, we then used various different sweets, cream and chocolate sauce to cover their bodies. all parts of their bodies had something edible on them, including the palms of their hands, their breasts and their mouths. We then invited three members of audience at a time and told them to ‘help themselves’, this received a very wide range of reactions and responses. Although it was very aesthetically pleasing, many recoiled from the situation. Others we found would approach and take a sweet either from a place of the body such as the arm and others would take a sweet from a more vulnerable place if it was a sweet they particularly liked. When we felt each trio of audience had enough time in the room we would take them out of the room and ask them questions that they would answer, here are some examples:

Q. Do you have one word you could describe your experience with?           A. Different  A. weird   A. Awkward  A. Sad

Q. What were your first thoughts and did they change throughout?           A. Alright then… I looked more as I first walked in I didn’t no where to look but as it went on I felt more confidence to look.
A. quite awkward I felt like they were victims I felt sorry for them, when you said help yourself I felt like I shouldn’t I felt a bit conscious of touching
so I took a sweet from a clothed part of one of their bodies.
A. I felt sad when I first walked in like I had been at a funeral, it felt very agh.

Q. Did you take a sweet?                                                                                       A. I took a   flump from her mouth as I felt it would be uncomfortable for her to have there.
A.  I took a wrapped sweet from a clothed part of her body.
A. I went for Livvie as she was the least dressed I felt like I deserved to give her something, she was there for me to be able to take something and
I  thought I should as  she put her self out there, I took it from her breasts.
A. I thought I should go for Livvie as she was most vulnerable I took the flump from between her legs as it looked uncomfortable for her.

From the Interviews after we found that people did not feel comfortable with the situation. Most of us have taken a sweet from somebody if we have been offered, but this unnatural setting where it looked like they did not have a choice changed the innocent act of eating a sweet.

The member of our group who were human dinner plates said the following:

Livvie, naked: Actually really nervous, more nervous then I thought I would be, even though I was covered in sweets I felt really exposed, I opened my eyes at the end which made me even more nervous. I found it really interesting that the first sweet that was taken was one from my mouth, and that made me feel more exposed. I felt like that sweet covered me.

Chloe, most clothed: At the start I felt terrified, I could here people talking about the experiment which made me very aware they were looking. Sweets were taken from my chest, stomach and leg. It was interesting because at times people missed sexual areas and other people just went for it.

Becca, underwear: I felt like I was going to be sick, it didn’t get easier and when my eyes were open no one was in the room but I couldn’t help but to think, what if I have to watch someone do this? They mostly took sweets from my legs but hen someone took  a sweet from my stomach I was very self conscious.

Anon. (2013) Questions on Experience of the human plate. (Interview) Interviewed by Lauren Olerenshaw, 27 November.

Secrets

“I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don’t dare to let out.”  – Ally Carter

Exploring the idea of vulnerability, I decided to conduct an experiment which would explore our mental vulnerability.

The experiment I wished to carry out consisted of me writing four of my secrets and stories that nobody knows onto paper, they would be face down so people could not see them, unless they wished to trade. I introduced my experiment as follows:

“Here I have four pieces of paper they have on them either a secret or a story, you can read one of your choice if you write on this paper a secret of your own. If you never tell mine I will never tell yours I will read it fold it and then shred it so it will remain a secret only we share. We draw straws if I pull the short straw you read my secret first, if you pull the  short straw then you will write me a secret first”

I would then hold out the straws until one of us had pulled the short straw, this instantly gauged a reaction, as there was the uncertainty of whoever’s secret was shared first there was the possibility they would not receive a secret in return. However everybody was fair and secrets were always exchanged. The following was said about my experiment:

‘I’ve never told anybody what I have just told you, I feel a lot better, it’s so weird we hardly no each other and you now no more about me than most’
‘I can’t believe i’m crying that really hit a nerve’
‘ I feel really wary that I have shared this, I won’t tell anyone what I’ve read please don’t tell anyone what I’ve wrote, I can’t believe I’ve just done that’

This made me realise how vulnerable and fragile people can be, I had the ability to provoke reactions from instances from my past, likewise they certainly got reactions from me. Not only did I feel vulnerable as people knew things about me I would never normally share, but suddenly I had thirty secrets I had been trusted to keep. I was trusted not to judge, not to comment, not to criticise and not to share.