Author: Tiffany Abatilda Thompson

My experience.

On the performance day, i had no idea how to feel about what was going to happen. Our performance couldn’t be rehearsed so what happened on the day was completely spontaneous. We had no idea how the audience where going to react, where they where going to sit and what was going to happen.

The performance space

we closed off the space in studio 1 to make the space quite intimate and small, at the opposite end of the entrance we put a sofa in the corner so the audience can sit and watch. Similarly, if the audience wanted to sit on the sofa they would have to cross the space, therefore travelling through the uncomfortable setting to get to the sofa. It was interesting to see who would cross that barrier and go sit on the sofa, and surprisingly only a few people crossed the space to sit on, two being the lecturers that assessed us. There were no rules to where the audience could be nothing was said to them and surprisingly the audience all gathered in a bunch near the entrance, could this be for safety?

The Performance

When the performance had started, the projection was going and we was all spread around the room, as we got further into the performance and items of clothing had been taken off i stayed clear of the middle of the room where the light and attention was going. I thought if i was to go in the middle of the space while the projection was going on all the attention would’ve been on me, and i didn’t like that and i thought i was exposed enough. It was interesting to see that all the girls in the performance and retreated to the side once the performance got more intense. It gave off the impression that the more the issues where brought to light to somehow get over, the more myself and the other performers wanted to get back to the edges merging into the audience to become safe. Additionally, this says something about vulnerability and exposure of the mind and body, it gives off the impression that sometimes people don’t get over there insecurities or get over the problems and issues that make yourself vulnerable.

During the performance i thought we have achieved what we wanted to achieve by showing the audience the mental and physical vulnerable state, by the use of media and live performance. Revealing what we revealed in the performance explored issues that are not really talked about in person and are normally hidden away for no one to hear. We wanted to create a performance where the audience couldn’t escape the exposure unless they left the performance space complexly, engaging the audience that way. There where no rules for the audience, they could sit wherever they wanted, react how they wanted and to show emotion however they wanted. During the performance, a hard issue was raised for one of the performers and one of the audience reacted and gave the performer a hug, the space was open for them to do what they want.

Countdown Clock

Photo Taken: 11/12/13 Credit: Livvie Milne.

During the performance i thought there was a quite voyeuristic feel to the performance as the audience was sitting in on us sharing some private personal memories and also taking close off and being exposed which is normally a private event. Getting undressed is something you do normally do in private, but to be undressing and to be looked upon can be voyeuristic but not necessarily in a sexual manor. We wanted to de-sexualise the body and the performance of taking clothes off when getting undressed. However this depends on what the audience thinks about the performers undressing, some audience members could take it as sexual.

I feel that the performance did go well, and we achieved what we wanted to achieve. It was a hard performance and i had no intention of going as far as i did with the whole nakedness i surprised myself a lot. During the performance i was the first person to take my dress off revealing my underwear, i felt exposed and quite overwhelmed with the experience parts of the performance when the projection was showing my experience about loss and how i lost my sister and Nan made me feel too exposed and made me want to put my clothes back on at least for a while.  However, with the ongoing support of my friends and performers, i built up the courage to go to just pants and that was a big thing to do as i hate my body so much.

This performance could of passed as a feminist performance and it may of come across as feminist, but it wasn’t done intentionally. It was fortunate that we did have an all female cast, and the questions raised where about the body, sex and relationships but at the age we are these questions could of been relevant to the opposite sex as well.

Influences

One of the influences that aided our performance was Marina Abramović when she did the performance ‘The Artist is Present’. Sitting in a gallery for seven hours for three months inviting the audience to sit with her, while she looks at them. You could say this made Marina Abramović and/or the audience vulnerable, i feel that staring into someones eyes can reveal a lot about a person and the lives they leave. In, relation to our performance we was watching and observing the video and how the audience reacted towards this and how they reacted towards us. Another influence is Vanessa Beecroft, she is an artist that explores “women, often dressed in nothing but high heels, stand silent and still. Like passive witnesses to an era dominated by images of the female body” (Rumma Lia, Galleria, 2010) in relation to our performance she is exploring something that can be quite self indulgent, posing questions and making people think about society and body, which can make some people vulnerable.

What would i change about the performance?

If we where to do the performance again, i would love to have a male actor in, i feel it would give the performance a different dynamic. Also, i would like to get a more wide range of questions from people that aren’t our age and people that weren’t students as i feel that would also change the piece and more people would be able to relate to it. Overall, i am very happy with the piece presented on 11th December and i am very proud of my group.

Final performance, Nuditate

Photo Taken: 11/12/13. Credit: Dan Hunt.

Rumma Lia, Galleria (2010) Vannessa Beecroft, Online: http://www.vogue.it/en/people-are-talking-about/focus-on/2010/02/vanessa-beecroft#ad-image1242 (accessed: 15th December 2013).

What would you change about yourself if you could?

One of our experiments during the process of our performance was to strip down to what you feel most comfortable in, this went from being fully clothed to naked. We had to write/draw on ourselves lines on what we wanted to change about ourselves and then with an invited audience which were all girls they had to do grab a pen and write/draw on our bodies of what they would change 0n our bodies to make ‘the perfect body’.

There is a lot of pressure on the ideal body especially amongst other girls, they look at airbrushed models in magazine that claim to have this perfect body with no lumps, bumps, stretch marks or scars. Additionally, women and girls want “to look like the models on television or in maga- zines) predicts the development of weight concerns” (Tiggeman and McGill, 2004,  pg. 24) this is the case for me i feel vulnerable in how my body looks and if someone was to know how much i weighed or what close size i was , it would make me feel vulnerable especially if it was for the public to see. Additionally, in relation to the piece i will contribute a memory of me trying to kill myself which brings to light how media and magazines have influenced how i see my body today, and by sharing this story it will hopefully start making it easier to come to terms that my body isn’t as bad as i think it is.

contemp

photo taken: 13/11/2013

During this experiment we asked the people taking part if they would rather be drawing or to be drawn on and 50% of the people taking part would’ve wanted to be drawn on so not to offend people. Additionally, what made the experiment easier was that we all had our eyes clothes so we didn’t know who was drawing on us at what time.

After the experiment we thought that if we did this again we should invite an all males to participate as they could have a different concept on how they see the female body and what makes the female body perfect from a males perspective.

Tigemann, Marika and McGill, Belinda (2004) The Role of Social Comparison in the Effect on Magazine Advertisements on Women’s mood and Body dissatisfaction, Journal of social and Clinical Psychology, 23(1), Pg. 23-44.

Mental and physical states of Vulnerability.

Vulnerability occurs in different states from physical to mental vulnerability, but which is worse? You can make yourself up with makeup and clothes to mask your physical self up, but how can you hide the mental state of vulnerability. Similarly, mental vulnerability can kick start physical vulnerability, being the age i am my insecurities and what makes me feel vulnerable is definitely body and sex orientated as i feel there is pressure for 18-25 year in that area. Similarly, if i think i don’t like myself and with how i look that will kick start the physical vulnerability and make me want to hide that away or change it.Exploring the mental side of vulnerability we went and asked the public to write down questions that would make them feel vulnerable if they where to answer them. Examples of the questions that where collected where:

Have you ever been bullied?

What would you say to someone you have lost?

What’s your favorite sexual position?

How much do you weigh/what close size are you?

Many of these questions where asked by 18-25 year old students which caused the theme to by body and sex orientated. Would the questions be different if we asked a different people that where of a different age? we did ask a few older people which brought questions which where memory orientated. This would’ve changed the piece completely not necessarily in a bad way.

Putting these questions on film to be projected in performance is to inform the audience our own feelings towards the subjects raised, therefore showing them our mental vulnerable state. Having the film Projecting in the space left the audience not being able to escape it unless they left the room, and while that goes on we show our physical vulnerability by stripping our physical self back by taking clothes off. The audience couldn’t escape this unless they left the room.

Performance Ideas.

Our performance has changed so many times, discussing whether we wanted it to be purely focused audience and their experiences, thoughts and reactions on vulerability and exposure, or did we want to do it so it was more personal to us as a group. We tried different experiments to aid our performance and to somehow help us in what direction we wanted to go in. One of the elements of our performance that we was sure on is that we wanted it to be durational.

One of the ideas we had for the performance was to exhibit our past experiments in one studio, but i felt it was was too performancy. I wanted something personal, breaking down barriers between the audience and performer but also breaking down personal barriers for myself.

The idea of the piece being durational and actually having something coutning down in the performance was to show the audience that something, whether it be big or small, but something will happen in the 2 hours we have in the space, and it is their own choice whether to stay throughout or go and come back. Edward Scheer states that “Duration often refers to the actual time that it takes to do things” (2012, pg. 1) i agree with this statement allthough, the time it takes us to get undressed in the space to make ourselves vulnerable can take a while. Additionally, Scheer also states “shaping of it to effect a particular experience for the viewer or the audience”( 21012, pg. 1) by making the performance durational also give the piece a chance to develop physically and emotionally the longer the performance will go on the more vulnerable we become as performers and spectators.

In relation to our performance we are hoping to have a projection of a countdown clock that will be counting down from roughly 2hours, which will give the performance a sense of movement and will tell the audience that something will happen in the space.

 

 

Scheer, Edward (2012)Introduction: The end of spatiality or the meaning of duration, Performance Research: A Journal of the Performing Arts, 17(5), pg.1-3.

What would you say to them if they were here now?

As our group want to explore vulnerability on society intimacy is an element which can take its place in our performance as you can become vulnerable when exposing intimacy. What makes a performance intimate? This is a question asked by many performers. Can an intimate performance happen with a big audience? There are many ways to explore intimacy in performance, and this is exactly what we did in one of the workshops at university.

The questions explored when exploring the notion of intimacy in performance, does it give the performance a sense of honesty? Are the audience more honest when it’s just a one to one performance? I chose to do a one to one performance in the workshop exploring loss; this is a subject very close to my heart as I have been through loss a lot since I was very young and find this subject very intimate for me. Letting people know into my mind when exploring loss and letting them know how I experience it.  Maria Chatzichichristodoulou and Rachel Zerihan describe intimacy as,

“Intimacy enables two sentient beings, who feel comfortable enough with each other on an emotional and/or physical level, to reveal something about themselves and connect in some form of meaningful exchange”
(2012, p. 1).
Taking this into account I devised a one to one performance with 5 minute slots. Before I started the performance I asked the spectator to think about this question through out the performance, “if you were to see a relative that died now, what would you say to them?”  In front of me I had two pieces of paper which had numbers on it, all the audience had to do was choose one and I would describe in detail how one of my relatives died in detail and what I would say to them if they were here now. The two people I chose to talk about in my performance was my little sister that died and my nana, two very close people who died very differently, one from cancer and one from meningitis. Letting the audience into my mind left me feeling very vulnerable, letting them see me breakdown I feel was quite intimate.  Relating back to what Chatzichichristodoulou and Zerihan said “to reveal something about themselves and connect in some form of meaningful exchange” (2012, p.1) I asked the spectator to write down what they would say to a certain relative if they where here now and told them they could take it away or let me read. 50% of the people that came took it away and the other let me read it. The audiences reaction to my performance was different every time, some cried, some just stared and some showed emotion towards me and wanted to hug me. I feel I got an honest reaction from everyone cause I had such a variety of reactions.

This experience really helped me in relation to my group’s performance as it; let me explore vulnerability and intimacy in a different way. Instead of exploring intimacy of the body I exposed my mind to other people, some who I didn’t know well enough to tell. This made my relationships closer to the people who heard.

 

Chatzichichristodoulou, Maria and Zerihan, Rachel (2012) Intimacy Across Visceral and Digital Performance, New York: Palgrave Macmillan.