We Tell the Truth

After experimenting so much on our physical vulnerability, we decided to explore mental vulnerability but not exclusively related to the group members. To achieve this, we asked people to write a question, based on the instruction that they should think of a time that they have felt most exposed/vulnerable and write down a question relating to it. We asked a wide range of people in order to attempt to gain a conclusive example of general vulnerability, and put all the questions in a box, so they were anonymous.

For the experiment itself, we split the questions into six piles of equal numbers and answered them in front of a recording camera. We decided unfold the questions on film in order to get a more honest emotional response. The space in which we decided to film the questions was also based on our individual vulnerabilities. The two situations that seemed to recur throughout our conversation were in the bedroom, and in public. We therefore decided to film in a group members bedroom, and in a corridor in the LPAC, in which we knew the public would be frequently passing through.

After going through all the questions, we realised that numerous topics occurred repeatedly, such as sex, relationships, your past and loss. We then realised that despite the wide variety of people asked, vulnerability seemed to revolve around a few common themes, though none of the questions delved deep enough into our specific vulnerabilities to make us feel truly exposed. We therefore re-wrote some of the questions, keeping the original idea but slightly changing the wording, and assigned them to specific people. The person answering the question had not seen it previously, ensuring we still got the honesty we initially set out to achieve.

The human plate

Setting up this experiment, we used a large space and normal lighting. Three of our group members laid on the floor in various states of dress, we then used various different sweets, cream and chocolate sauce to cover their bodies. all parts of their bodies had something edible on them, including the palms of their hands, their breasts and their mouths. We then invited three members of audience at a time and told them to ‘help themselves’, this received a very wide range of reactions and responses. Although it was very aesthetically pleasing, many recoiled from the situation. Others we found would approach and take a sweet either from a place of the body such as the arm and others would take a sweet from a more vulnerable place if it was a sweet they particularly liked. When we felt each trio of audience had enough time in the room we would take them out of the room and ask them questions that they would answer, here are some examples:

Q. Do you have one word you could describe your experience with? A. Different A. weird A. Awkward A. Sad

Q. What were your first thoughts and did they change throughout? A. Alright then… I looked more as I first walked in I didn’t no where to look but as it went on I felt more confidence to look.
A. quite awkward I felt like they were victims I felt sorry for them, when you said help yourself I felt like I shouldn’t I felt a bit conscious of touching
so I took a sweet from a clothed part of one of their bodies.
A. I felt sad when I first walked in like I had been at a funeral, it felt very agh.

Q. Did you take a sweet? A. I took a flump from her mouth as I felt it would be uncomfortable for her to have there.
A. I took a wrapped sweet from a clothed part of her body.
A. I went for Livvie as she was the least dressed I felt like I deserved to give her something, she was there for me to be able to take something and
I thought I should as she put her self out there, I took it from her breasts.
A. I thought I should go for Livvie as she was most vulnerable I took the flump from between her legs as it looked uncomfortable for her.

From the Interviews after we found that people did not feel comfortable with the situation. Most of us have taken a sweet from somebody if we have been offered, but this unnatural setting where it looked like they did not have a choice changed the innocent act of eating a sweet.

The member of our group who were human dinner plates said the following:

Livvie, naked: Actually really nervous, more nervous then I thought I would be, even though I was covered in sweets I felt really exposed, I opened my eyes at the end which made me even more nervous. I found it really interesting that the first sweet that was taken was one from my mouth, and that made me feel more exposed. I felt like that sweet covered me.

Chloe, most clothed: At the start I felt terrified, I could here people talking about the experiment which made me very aware they were looking. Sweets were taken from my chest, stomach and leg. It was interesting because at times people missed sexual areas and other people just went for it.

Becca, underwear: I felt like I was going to be sick, it didn’t get easier and when my eyes were open no one was in the room but I couldn’t help but to think, what if I have to watch someone do this? They mostly took sweets from my legs but hen someone took a sweet from my stomach I was very self conscious.

Anon. (2013) Questions on Experience of the human plate. (Interview) Interviewed by Lauren Olerenshaw, 27 November.

Mental and physical states of Vulnerability.

Vulnerability occurs in different states from physical to mental vulnerability, but which is worse? You can make yourself up with makeup and clothes to mask your physical self up, but how can you hide the mental state of vulnerability. Similarly, mental vulnerability can kick start physical vulnerability, being the age i am my insecurities and what makes me feel vulnerable is definitely body and sex orientated as i feel there is pressure for 18-25 year in that area. Similarly, if i think i don’t like myself and with how i look that will kick start the physical vulnerability and make me want to hide that away or change it.Exploring the mental side of vulnerability we went and asked the public to write down questions that would make them feel vulnerable if they where to answer them. Examples of the questions that where collected where:

Have you ever been bullied?

What would you say to someone you have lost?

What’s your favorite sexual position?

How much do you weigh/what close size are you?

Many of these questions where asked by 18-25 year old students which caused the theme to by body and sex orientated. Would the questions be different if we asked a different people that where of a different age? we did ask a few older people which brought questions which where memory orientated. This would’ve changed the piece completely not necessarily in a bad way.

Putting these questions on film to be projected in performance is to inform the audience our own feelings towards the subjects raised, therefore showing them our mental vulnerable state. Having the film Projecting in the space left the audience not being able to escape it unless they left the room, and while that goes on we show our physical vulnerability by stripping our physical self back by taking clothes off. The audience couldn’t escape this unless they left the room.

Secrets

“I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don’t dare to let out.” – Ally Carter

Exploring the idea of vulnerability, I decided to conduct an experiment which would explore our mental vulnerability.

The experiment I wished to carry out consisted of me writing four of my secrets and stories that nobody knows onto paper, they would be face down so people could not see them, unless they wished to trade. I introduced my experiment as follows:

“Here I have four pieces of paper they have on them either a secret or a story, you can read one of your choice if you write on this paper a secret of your own. If you never tell mine I will never tell yours I will read it fold it and then shred it so it will remain a secret only we share. We draw straws if I pull the short straw you read my secret first, if you pull the short straw then you will write me a secret first”

I would then hold out the straws until one of us had pulled the short straw, this instantly gauged a reaction, as there was the uncertainty of whoever’s secret was shared first there was the possibility they would not receive a secret in return. However everybody was fair and secrets were always exchanged. The following was said about my experiment:

‘I’ve never told anybody what I have just told you, I feel a lot better, it’s so weird we hardly no each other and you now no more about me than most’
‘I can’t believe i’m crying that really hit a nerve’
‘ I feel really wary that I have shared this, I won’t tell anyone what I’ve read please don’t tell anyone what I’ve wrote, I can’t believe I’ve just done that’

This made me realise how vulnerable and fragile people can be, I had the ability to provoke reactions from instances from my past, likewise they certainly got reactions from me. Not only did I feel vulnerable as people knew things about me I would never normally share, but suddenly I had thirty secrets I had been trusted to keep. I was trusted not to judge, not to comment, not to criticise and not to share.

Changing ideas and influences…

After each experiment, my concept about our final piece is evolving and changing. The one thing that remains constant is the notion of Vulnerability and Exposure and the portrayal of these within my piece. However the representations of these words are causing a grey area within the performance. Through this performance, i want to achieve much more using the human body than just the physicality of the form; i want to communicate the artist’s ideas and feelings through the canvas. The piece will create a mental and physical exploration of vulnerability, the physical element of the vulnerability will be shown through the live element of the performance.

The physical live element

Through the Live element of the installation, I want to show the naked human body in all of our states of vulnerability, commenting upon individual vulnerabilities. Through the removal of clothes throughout the two hours i want to show to the audience that the experience broke down the performer, therefore upon leaving we are still six women thrown together with many varying vulnerabilities. But most importantly after the piece we are still broken. One element that was discussed was the idea of de-objectifying the body, Judith Butler and Gender Trouble became key when discussing the role of gender within performance. Within the book it states that if the appearance of “being” a gender is an effect of culturally influenced acts, then there exists no solid, universal gender. Through the practice of performance, the gender “woman” (like the gender “man”) remains contingent and open to interpretation and “re-signification.” She calls for gender trouble, for people to trouble the categories of gender through performance. In essence within our performance, much like Judith Butler and Nick Green in Body Politics we want to use the body to create ourselves as subjects and not objects as Judith explains, “we, ‘women,’ must become subjects and not objects” (Butler, 1990, p. 48)

The pre-recorded element

The prerecorded elements on the projection will highlight the mental side of vulnerability, the nuance of the film was used to help create an emotional connection, making the audience experience happiness and sadness within a short space of time. The projection will help to create an emotional connection between audience and performer due to the intimate nature of the questions and answers. Through these two combining elements, the piece is moving away from representing documentation as art, and towards a simple, minimalistic installation on vulnerability focusing upon the audience’s reaction, and subsequently the audience and actors reactions within the space. Through this final installation performance, i want my work to encourage spectators to reflect, to think and to feel. The way this will be achieved is not only dictated by the image, but by reflecting on it through the spectators own experiences and feelings.

The experiment which created this element was one in which we answered questions which made the person feel mentally vulnerable and exposed. Many of these questions were asked by 18-25 year old students which caused the theme to by body and sex orientated, for example:

Tell a personal story?
Have you ever had an eating disorder? What were your feelings during this period?
Explain your first sexual experience?

It was during the technical run through that the group realised how significant this experiment was due to the exposure we felt whilst the questions were being shown, it also allowed a structured vocal element within the piece that highlighted our vulnerability. In essence i wanted the video to show ‘Our lineage in random form’ (Etchells and Phelan, 1999, p.19.)

Works cited

Butler, J. 1990. Gender trouble. New York London: Routledge

Etchells, T. and Phelan, P. 1999. Certain Fragments. London: Routledge

Nuditate

Vulnerability is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

Experiments